Saturday, 25 July 2015

I believe in God

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

It's been a long time since I posted on here. A lot has happened in a few months for me as I am sure it has for you all.  I've had some shocking things happen, a lot of hard times, a lot of good times too and I am currently going through one of the roughest phases in my life. But before all of that, a few months back I was on cloud nine I had uttered the words 'life is good' and how swiftly that blanket of warmth was pulled away from me. It's ironic to me, but then life isn't some happy ball we cling onto until we come to the end of the hill, life includes suffering for all of us in one way or another and I was angry at God for my suffering before I could see the light at the end of the tunnel and the positives that came out of it.

In fact this idea of suffering is what draws me to God in particular Jesus teachings and not away from it. I know the gore and fixation on bodily suffering is one of the things that is often ridiculed or highlighted by non Christians but for me, this makes perfect sense as does Jesus and his role in it all.

Perhaps I have always believed in God, and my battles with him have been long and drawn out but my conclusion subconsciously has always been the same - I felt angry at a God I was pretending to think didn't exist. It is paradoxical to me.

Believing in God does't mean I magically have all the answers to those hard to answer questions.  I don't know why there is severe poverty, or children born with diseases, I don't know why some people seem to have it all and others suffer their whole lives. Nor do I know why natural disasters occur but what I do know is that believing in God doesn't give you all those answers, but it doesn't change the fact that I believe God exists.

You might think that because I'm in a dark place  (which I am but know I will get out of)  that this is why I now cling to God. But God has given me joy when life was fulfilling and I thanked him for my joy. God gave me reassurance when I was uncertain.  God was peace in a tranquil church in Cornwall, which brought together my hurting family. God gave me a few hours relief from constant anxiety, God gave me a focus and a vision, he didn't end my problems he just gave me a reason to tackle them.  God brought me here when I feel so low, with no energy, no passion for life, God brought me here and said 'write'.  I feel now what I didn't feel before, and why religion must be faith based.

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